28 April 2004
I never realized that the second time around when Bryan and I get back together that we would be fighting at least once a day. I'm thinking that we should spend time apart from each other. That would be the best option.

God damnit I am literally on the verge of crying right now. Bryan's right ... I am a drama queen, but honestly I can't fucking help it. Anything he says now I end up snapping. I over analyze things in my head and majoritiy of the times the things I over analyze I end up being wrong. But I can't stop ... I just can't stop.

There is no doubt that I'm jealous of Bryan and Dizzy's friendship. I guess it's because they get a long really well ... just as well as Bryan and I do (may be even better). And the fact that Dizzy and I will never talk again since I've burned too many bridges with that girl. Hell if all three of us are working that day I won't bother going to Shoes to talk to Bryan anymore. I see no point if Dizzy's there. They're both in the same area so it's okay for them to talk. With me on the other hand I'm not in the same department and I don't know when Dizzy will finally decide to tell a manager that I'm back there talking to Bryan when I'm not suppose to be.

Okay I'm going to change the subject now ... GUESS WHAT?! I was on my two hour break (11 am to 12:30 pmish) and so I decided to go to the B.X. and talk to Nuray (I haven't seen my woman in AGES!!!!). It's past noon and Nuray and I are walking to the back so she can go on her break. A customer ends up interrupting Nuray and asked her a question. I get a phone call from my dad (thinking it was Bryan and I would've pissed myself if it was him) and he tells me that the Scott Credit Union called me asking if I was interested in a part-time teller position. I FUCKING FLIPPED!!!! I said "Are you kidding me?!" He said "Nope." and so he gave me the number to call. About 12:23 pmish I said my final blah blah blah's to Nuray and Mary Ann (but then on the way out I talked to Kevin for a bit. Haven't seen him in a while either). On my way to my car I called Maggie back, but she was on lunch. So I'm hoping she'll call me back today.

I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED!!!! If I get that part-time teller job at the Scott Credit Union I will be able to get the 2005 Ford Mustang after all ^_^ I cannot believe my stroke of luck. I've applied for like six or seven other jobs and I FINALLY get called back, but it was well worth the wait. Oh I could just scream!!!! But wait ... I screamed earlier when I told Nuray and Chris. Hehehehe =þ

Well I'm done bitching. Later! © Sadie @ 1:08 p.m.



23 April 2004
I want out of this house so fucking bad you just DO NOT EVEN KNOW!! Here's what happened: I decided today that I'm going to withdraw from my Math 094 class because I'm failing it. The professor can't teach worth shit and no one understands what the fuck he's talking about. Hell half of the class had withdrawn anyway because he's just that bad of a professor. So I tell my parents when I got home and of course they weren't that happy with my decision and my mom especially. My dad wants me to go to the Success Center for help, but I'm just that damn proud that I refuse to get help from others even though I know I'm struggling ... but my mom was basically bitching at me about how I'm not serious about college, all I want to do is go out, and blah blah blah. I tell her that withdrawing from a class ISN'T failing and instead of a letter grade on your report card you get a W. Well to her if you drop a class it means that you failed that class. That is just a load of shit!! Just because you fucking withdraw from a class DOESN'T FUCKING MEAN THAT YOUR FAILING THE CLASS!!!! Yes I will admit that most of the time that is in fact the case, but then again there are other circumstances why you would withdraw from a class. DUH!!!!

Is your mom really THAT narrow minded you ask? Unfortunately ... YES she is. I fucking hate that I'm not that close to my parents. I know that they only want whats best for me and all, but they seriously need to lay the fuck off my back from time to time. I am more determined than ever to get a second job. I'm tired of my mother always trying to make me feel bad that their paying for my college. Well bitch if I get a second fucking job I'll be paying for college MYSELF. So your ass better stay the fuck off my back or your going to get a classic case of foot stuck in ass!!!! HAHAHAHAHA the last part is a quote from Red Foreman from That 70s Show. Yeah and I also know she'll NEVER read this, but that's what I'm going to tell her if that ever happens.

GOD DAMNIT!!!!! I had originally typed out this entire paragraph, but now I have to re-type it because WS_FTP does this thing where you can only do so much in 300 seconds and it logs you off. Isn't that bullshit?!

What I had typed out before I lost it was: I know in my last entry I wrote that I'm not going to get a tattoo ... well I'm now going to get one after all ^_^ I'm so fucking excited!! I'm 99.9% positive that the design I'm going to get is a fairy and it's going to put in the middle of my back. Unless I find some other design that I like it's most likely going to be a fairy.

Well I have nothing else to bitch/rant about. I'm going to go job hunting online now. Later!

© Sadie @ 3:32 p.m.



19 April 2004
Nevermind I'm NOT getting a tattoo next week. I still want one, but now I don't even know when I will ever get one to be honest.

Basically what happened was me and Bryan got into a argument early this morning(like from 1 am to 3 am) about tattoos. He decided during the middle of the argument that he didn't want to get a tattoo with me because it's for him and he doesn't want to be linked to me when he gets his(mainly from talk from work). I was fucking pissed because I wanted to get my tattoo with him. I thought this would be a great experience for us to share together, but apparently this was a one way streak.

So in the end I decided to fuck the tattoo. He was really the only person I wanted to share this experience with and him telling me that he didn't want to get the tattoo together just tore me up inside. I know it's stupid that I'm not getting it right now is because of him, but that's just the way I am ... fucking stupid.

After both of our English classes we pretty much didn't say anything on the way to the usual spot where we stand to talk. He was the one that broke the silence, but I was still quiet because I'm still pissed about the tattoos. When the clock said that it was past 8:55 I said "I'm going to class now." and he said "Well have fun." in a pretty sarcastic and cold tone.

I can just tell that this day will be FUN FUN FUN!!(Sarcasm) I can't wait after my Networking Essentials class because I'm going to the gym to work out. That's just what I need right now to relieve my stress. But anywho ... I'm done bitching. Later!

© Sadie @ 9:24 a.m.



18 April 2004
I'm so fucking excited!! It's pretty much 99.9% that me and Bryan are going to get our tattoos next paycheck(April 30). I still haven't decided what I'm going to get though ... if I decide to get the dragon it'll be on my lower back, but right now I'm trying to find an alternative tattoo design because now I really want to get a tattoo on my ankle. I'm thinking about getting something Sailor Moon related. I've always been a huge fan of Sailor Moon ever since I saw the first episode when I was in 5th grade. Those were the good old days.

I might take out my tongue ring. I fucking LOVE IT don't get me wrong, but there are times when it hurts like hell and just plain looks stupid. I've also been coughing a lot ever since I got my tongue pierced and I want that to stop too. I'm still 50/50 on taking out, but if I do finally decide to it will be after I get my tattoo.

Doing pretty good with the diet and the working out at the gym so far. Well except for this weekend ... I pigged out big time. BAD SADIE!! Lol. For the first time I actually like working out. When I was in junior high and high school I fucking hated it with a passion, but now I'm into it. Which is a good thing of course because I seriously need to lose weight. I hate the way I look right now and in dying need of a change.

I never realized how many fucking people from my high school ACTUALLY have online journals(most I found were from xanga.com). I seriously thought that they didn't have the brains to make an online journal ... let alone write in it too. I know my writing skills are not all that great, but reading those journals were VERY PAINFUL. It's nice to know that my writing skills are actually better than their's. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I decided to change my major from Web Development to Sociology. I know that my main skills are of the internet, html, and whatnot, but it's always been in the back of my mind that it's going to be hard to get a job as a web master or a web designer. Especially since those type of jobs are not of high demand. That's when I came to the final decision to change my major to Sociology. I was suppose to be done at SWIC at the Fall of '05, but now I won't be done until the Spring of '06. Which isn't bad because I'm only graduating a semester later.

Well I don't know what else to say. Later!

© Sadie @ 10:58 p.m.
(Edited at 11:22 p.m.)



12 April 2004
Yeah I REALLY need to stop skipping my Internet Essentials and Database/Access 2002 classes. Yes they are easy as pie and all, but I am just so fucking lazy and just plain never want to go to them. Is that so hard to understand?! *Sigh* Oh and I'm just sitting in the computer lab during open lab hours just bullshitting writing in my blog. LMAO!! God I'm such a geek, but that's cool ^_^ Whateva!!

I am really enjoying writing in my dream journal that I have on livejournal.com. I was on a roll posting 3 days in a row, but the last couple of days I can't remember what I dreamt about. I vaguely remember some of it, but it's mainly just a blur. Don't you hate not remembering things?

I saw The Alamo with Bryan on opening night. Man what a fucking awesome movie. I had no idea until I saw the movie that Billy Bob Thornton played David Crockett, but anyway ... it was an incredible movie. No other words can describe how great it was. I'm definitely buying it when it comes out on dvd.

Damn I cannot think of what else I was going to say. I know there was a main reason why I posted today, but now I can't remember. Oh well ... but I'm going to skat. Later!

© Sadie @ 11:29 a.m.



8 April 2004
I decided to create a livejournal account where I'll write down the dreams that I have. If the dream is too personal then I won't be posting it (sorry kids!!), but if it's not then I will post it. I do have a diary that I like writing in, but lately I just haven't had the urge to write in it. I prefer to write online anyway and I personally think it's easier. If your interested in reading it go here.

I SERIOUSLY need a second job. I've applied for about 6 jobs so far and absolutely nothing. I know for a fact that the reason I haven't heard anything is because I already have a job and not planning on leaving my current job. If I don't get a second job then there is no way in fucking hell I'll be able to afford the 2005 Mustang or an apartment. Hell I don't even think I'll be getting an apartment this summer because Bryan's going to be taking summer classes so he can graduate next Spring. But I could be wrong ... anything can happen in 4 months.

Me and my dad enrolled in this weight training program to lose weight. I went to the class on Tuesday and was given a design program to follow. So basically I'll be working out at the gym everyday (except for Saturday & Sunday) starting next week. Oh yeah and the trainer guy was hot as hell!! But anyway ... that's another thing I need to do besides get a second job ... lose weight. A lot of people have told me that I look fine and I don't need to lose weight. I may look fine to them, but I have a different perspective. I am just fucking tired of looking like this and being embarassed whenever I shop for clothes. I also want be healthy and to feel more confident about myself. Another option would be to get gastric bypass surgery, but I don't have the fucking money for that kind of operation. I've also tired many types of dieting and nothing worked. So this is really the only option. I know it will be hard, but it'll be worth it if I can weigh anywhere from 100-115 pounds. That would probably take a good year or two to accomplish, but like I just said it would be well worth the extremely hard work.

Well I have nothing else to rant about. Later!

© Sadie @ 8:14 p.m.



6 April 2004
Yeah I really should be doing my Access and Internet Essentials homework ... well I am technically, but I'm just so BLAH right now. I'm not worried about my Internet Essentials homework because that shit's easy, but I can't remember how to do any of this shit for Access and my printer's being a bitch.

I was listening to a re-play of the MJ in the morning show last night and they only talked about a little bit of that Hollywood A-list. Majority of it they couldn't say on the air. I was pretty interested so I went here and checked out the link for the Hollywood A-list. I couldn't believe some of that bullshit that was on there. Where do people come up with that shit?! I'm not going to get into it, but go check it out yourselves if your like reading that kind of stuff.

So weird ... in my English class we had like 20 minutes or so to kill so we talked about the book we were reading and then all of a sudden we got on the subject of abortion. To be honest I don't know how the hell that was brought up, I guess I should've been listening ... but anyway. The teacher looked right at me and asked me what was my view on it. I said I didn't believe in it. She asked me if I was raped would I still have the baby and I said "No I would most likely have an abortion." She asked why and I said "I would see no point in having it." I really couldn't finish my answer because someone else butted in, but he pretty much answered the rest of the question for me. Having that baby would just be a constant reminder that I only had that baby because I was raped. She tried arguing the point that it's a human life and that there was a reason that God put that child on earth. Yes in a sense that's true, but there are people like me who do believe that abortion is okay as long as there are EXTREMELY HIGH circumstances on why the mother decides to have an abortion. If your like 13 and up may be even younger (pretty much not even close to being in your 20s yet) and you get pregnant it's your responsibilty to have that child. It was your own damn fault you got pregnant and you should pay the consequences by having that baby. Plain and simple.

Your view on that subject may be different than mine and that's perfectly fine. I understand that not everyone will have the same view as me. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Just a warning that if you plan on slamming me on this subject or something else by e-mail, aim, or whatever I won't be nice.

Okay I gotta skat and finish up my homework. Later!

© Sadie @ 12:08 a.m.



2 April 2004
I can't believe it's already April. Time really goes by fast. Just one more month and I'll be done with college for the semester. The only problem is that I can't exactly enjoy the summer because I will HOPEFULLY be working two jobs. I want that 2005 Mustang so fucking bad and I'm going to get it and the only way I'm going to be able to get is to work 2 jobs. Not fun, but it'll be well worth it to get that fucking hot car. *Drools*

The miracle I thought would never happen happened ... Bryan and I are now talking again. I seriously thought that we were done for and there was nothing that could possibly save our frienship. I'm glad that my instincts were wrong.

I was fucking miserable the past 3 days that he and I weren't talking. I was depressed, upset, couldn't eat, bearly sleep, and I missed that little fucker. I did have people to talk to, but I still felt like shit ... I literally just could not handle it. Suprisingly I could only shed tears 3 times. I don't know why I have such a hard time getting myself to cry. Like if I'm watching a movie and something so sad and emotional happens I just can't seem to cry, even if I see other people crying ...

Another thing was that I FINALLY cleaned out my closet(it's been years since I last cleaned it) and I can actually hide myself in there now. I would close the door, sit or lay down, may be take a nap, listen to my music that I have blasting, and just think. It was my little santuary. Being in a place that I could hide and just be completely by myself was comforting ... I felt safe.

I could also bearly handle work. I just couldn't function because I was so fucking miserable. I'm sure everyone knew something was up with me because of the look in my eyes, face, and body language. Hell I almost started crying when I was talking to Kara and Nuray about this whole thing(I talked to them at seperate times) ... Tuesday Kara and I were in the stock room talking and when she hugged me and I just wanted to cry. Then Thursday when I was straightening one of the aisles with Nuray she was telling me what a wonderful person I am and blah blah blah and I also wanted to cry. They've been awesome to me and I don't think I would've been able to handle anything really if they weren't there to comfort me and I thank them for that. I mean I had other people comfort me too and give me their advice, but Kara and Nuray were the ones that were there for me the most.

It will take some time before me and Bryan become as close as we were before and that's perfectly understandable. We've been through a lot in this friendship and what we need is nothing but time ... I'm just glad that we're friends again and that's what matters ^_^

Well I'm going to skat. I don't know what else to rant about(LOL). Later!

© Sadie @ 9:49 a.m.
(Edited @ 11:26 a.m.)