29 March 2004
My life as it seems just went downhill(again). I lost yet another friend. That's got to be a world record ... losing two friends in two months. Losing Dizzy was something I don't care too much about since her and I weren't really that close anyway, but losing Bryan was something that I thought was pretty if-y. I knew one day that we would depart, but this was sooner than I expected.
I'll admit that there are things that I shouldn't have said last night, but then again being told the other day that I was being used is something that I wasn't really expecting. I should've realized it when it was happening, but I didn't notice the signs. *God I am trying so hard right now not to start crying and I'm currently in my Internet Essentials class* This is probably hitting a lot harder on me than it is on him ... which is understandable since the reason this happened in the first place is my own damn fault. Oh and I was so fucking pissed and depressed last night that I torn down all the pictures of me and my boys off my closet door(art). Just looking at his picture upsetted me and I would just start crying all over again.
I literally do not think that I'm going to last the day. If I'm already wanting to cry then that's not a good sign. I'm probably going to go to the B.X. on my 11 o'clock break and talk to Nuray. I miss that woman and only seeing her once a week on Thursdays pretty much sucks ass. I have a relationship with her that I don't even have from my own mother ... which is pretty sad.
Well I have nothing else to say otherwise I think I will start crying ... so yeah ... later!
25 March 2004
I'm currently obsessed with printing pictures. It only started yesterday, but that's besides the point =þ My old printer was fucked up and my grandparents were nice enough to send us a new one :) They said that they bought it, but never got a chance to open it up (and it's been like a year apparently). But anyway when we received it yesterday I had a little bit of problems setting it up, but eventually I got it to work. So with my other current obsession with Dominic Monaghan (best known as Merry Brandybuck from Lord of The Rings) I decided to print out some pictures (seven so far) of him and tape them on one of my closet doors(I have a big closet so I have 2 big doors). But then today when I was working I thought of a brilliant idea. "Since I already have taped pictures of Dom on my closet door, why don't I tape pictures of me and my two boys right next to it?" It took a while to print out the pictures, but I finally got it done. If you want to check it out go here.
I'm done with smoking. I come to realize how fucking stupid I was to even buy that pack of cigerettes in the first place ... I feel like shit though because I'm having really bad mood swings. I don't have cravings for it, but my body is saying otherwise. Tomorrow whenever I get to the nearest trash can at college I'm throwing away the pack. I do have one cigerette left, but the sooner the pack is out of my purse the better. I'm also tired of trying to cover up the smell in my car by using this Oust deordoriser spray (which doesn't work at all) and hoping that my mom won't question me when I come home smelling like cigerette smoke (I know that she can smell it, but won't call me on it).
Just one more thing before I sign off ... I BOUGHT THE MOST COOLEST AND PIMPEST PHONE TUESDAY!!!! It's the Nokia 3650. It may be pretty big and does look like a remote control, but it's fucking badass!! I LOVE IT I LOVE IT ^_^!!!! Hohohohohehehehe ... so I'm done ranting for today. Later!
18 March 2004
It's fucking weird being 18 ... well not really weird, but the decisions that I'm making now that I am 18 is what's weirding me out. Why I've made these decisions I honestly don't know ...
Getting my tongue pierced was something that I've always been fascinated with. When I first heard about people having their tongue pierced 6 or 7 years ago I thought it was disgusting and couldn't see why anyone would want to do that to themselves ... now that I'm 18 my perception has changed. I think it's fucking hot and couldn't wait to get mine pierced. What pisses the hell out of me is when I have people bitch about it and I haven't really found anyone that actually likes it. "You couldn't think of anything else to do with your money?" and blah blah blah blah. I really don't give a fuck about their bitching, but I just wish that it wasn't on a almost daily basis.
Drinking ... now that I don't have an answer to. I suppose it would be a mix between stress with my parents (especially my mother) and the fact that I've never drank before ... so it was all the more appealing. The first time I drank I got a massive hangover. What's weird is that I only had a bottle of the regular Smirnoff, a shot of Captain Morgan Parot Bay, and a shot of Puckers Island Blue ... but anyway ... now whenever I drink THANK FUCKING GOD I don't get hangovers. I guess for me it was a one time thing since it was my first time. I only drink on occassion or just whenever I get that sudden urge to get drunk.
Smoking ... well ... this is a subject I NEVER THOUGHT I'd ever get myself into. I would be lying to myself if I said that I was never interested in smoking. I know a shitload of people that smoke and I thought to myself "I'll never be like them." but now look at me ... My mother is the main reason why I bought it. Things are somewhat better than what they were before, but she's still has those days where she loves to piss the hell out of me. So I bought my first pack (Sweet Dreams Vanilla Cigerettes) Monday night. I don't know if it's going to be only pack that I smoke though. I hope it's my only pack, but the temptation to have more is so fucking high. When I bought the pack I was pretty much 80/20 on taking a smoke. After I left my friend's house around may be 11:50ish I went to the park & ride and had my first cigerette. Yesterday I had a cigerette before and after work. Then today I had one while I was driving to Hart (grocery store). Tomorrow I'm probably going to do the same routine ... one before work and one after work. I pray to god that my mother and Bryan's mother doesn't find out about this or I'm a dead girl. I think my dad would be disappointed in me, but he would be more understanding because he also did the same things I'm doing when he was my age ... So yeah ...
For me the theory of trying everything at least once is definitely taking effect. Who knows what the next thing I try, get pierced, or may be even finally get tattooed ... well that's life for ya.
Well that's what's been on my mind for the last couple of days. I wasn't planning on posting this online, but I changed my mind. That's really all I had to say. Later!
16 March 2004
Yay we finally got our spanking brand new refrigerator and it's all pretty!! We can finally buy more food and shit ... like uh ... pizza rolls. I've been seriously having like withdraws because I don't have any. I'm all about the pizza rolls. Lol!! Oh I'm such a geek ... but anyway ...
I don't want to go to work :( My manager will probably be there and she'll make me do stupid projects and shit ... so it will fucking blow.
Yeah I would write more, but I'm pressed for time. I gotta skat and head over to work now. If I get online tonight I'll write some more then and if not I'll post another entry some other day. Later!
9 March 2004
I can understand why my parents want me to apply for the job at the Scott Credit Union on base, but I just don't know if I even want to work there. Sure it makes $10 an hour ... but I don't know. May be I'm crazy ... Banks are so upscale, professional, and uptight. Hell I don't know if they'd even hire me because I could only work 3 days a week because I already have a job at the B.X. & plus I'm still in college until this semester is over. So I'm looking into it ...
I definitely do need a second job. My spending habits are fucking horrible. I was at $-59 because I overspent this past weekend. I found out the reason why I was at the number too. I was paying my cell phone bill online last Friday and when I was done filling out the information I pressed one of the buttons to continue. Well it brought me to a page saying that my transaction couldn't be made. So I had to go back and re-do the information. The second time it was fine and the transaction went through. Come to find out when I called the bank yesterday to see what my last 5 debit card and other withdraws were, THE BANK FUCKING CHARGED ME TWICE FOR MY CELL PHONE BILL(which was $85.69. Yes that seems a awful lot for a cell phone bill, but I'm under my dad's name so I'm paying for both mine and my parents bill). So I'm FUCKING LIVID. I'll probably go to the bank tomorrow and get it fixed when I get out of college (I don't feel like going anywhere today). That's one of the reasons why I don't want to work for a bank because shit like this happens. Hell can you blame me though? That's fucking bullshit.
I can't wait until Friday because that'll be the first official day for spring break. I probably won't be going anywhere but around here, but that's cool. I don't have to worry about fucking college for an entire week. So yeah I'm all flutta.
7 March 2004
This is just a little note saying that I've updated all the pages to this layout EXCEPT the individual monthly pages for the Archives section. I have to get ready for work now, but I will work on those pages within a day or so. Probably tomorrow since I don't have to go to work (but unfortunately college).
4 March 2004
I fucking love this layout!! I found it at Daydream Graphics and I fell in love with it. I'm all about the gold color mixed with browns. I wanted a change from the layout that I made a while ago so I changed it to this one. Savy?
I so do not want to go to work today. I WAS suppose to be a midshift today (12-4), but since Mary Ann ended up coming down with pneumonia so Dee called me last night and asked if I could close today. I should've said I was busy, but I didn't. Hell it's only a extra hour anyway. Oh what a jump going from 16 to 17 hours. Whoop te do!! Can you tell I'm just so psyched about it?
What I don't understand is why my parents are so keen on the fact that I only have one friend. Why does it matter?! I'm no longer in high school so it's not like I'm going to automatically makes friends like I did back then. College is a whole different ball game. "It's always just you and Bryan." and blah blah blah blah blah. Okay so may be I'm not the best at making new friends. What can I say? Being shy and conservative towards other people is something that I can't help. I really do hate the fact that someone has to prod me in order for me to become friends with them or at least talk to them. But sometimes when I do want to say something the words just won't come out. That's probably another reason why I'm having problems getting a boyfriend. I'm too shy and most guys like the girls that are quirky and full of life. Oh well ... I'm not going to dwell on it. Whenever I get to that point in my life it'll happen.
Well I need to skat. I have to get ready for work in 15 minutes. I'll try to work on getting all of the pages to this layout up, but it'll be a while since I'm so fucking busy with work and school. I should be able to do it tomorrow after college since I'm off and I have to wait until about 8:30 pm anyway before I do anything. So yeah ... Later!
